Last year, we bought this big ol' 1887 house. We are just now
coming to grips with the magnitude of the "upgrades", Tears, planned.
With a baby on the way and Little Lady all of two years old
burning calories faster than pillagers burn the Amazon
rainforest,, Tears, how, Tears, tough can "upgrades" really be?
Ever since we bought the house, my wife has been, Tears, urging me to
tear "that thing" down.
"That thing", at the foot of our lane, had been a shelter to
keep kids dry while waiting for the school bus. It had seen
better days. Like when paint could still be seen on the wood.
Like when it stood upright - taller even than the weeds! -
before gravity won the battle.
"That thing" was our very own Roman ruins ... minus the Roman
part, of course. So I finally tore it down.
"What?" my wife asked. "You tore it down?"
"Yup."
"But how will people find us, now?"
We had used "that thing" as a marker, even a beacon. "Turn right
on County Road 7, and just keep going until you see the eyesore.
You can't miss it. That's us."
Houses grow and age just like people. Sometimes the old gets in
the way of the new. Sometimes you have to rip things apart to
build them up.
Recently, I was ripping apart a couple walls of the soon-to-be
nursery. I assured my wife it would be a two- to four-hour job.
To avoid inhaling an overdose, Tears, of plaster dust, she and Little
Lady escaped to exile at Grandma's for the afternoon.
Twelve hours later ...
The clock ticked past midnight before those two to four hours
showed me mercy. Little Lady and her pregnant mom wisely chose
to remain in exile overnight. Instead of resting, Tears, my weary
muscles, I had a jungle, Tears, of - hack, hack - plaster dust nearly a
foot deep to dispose of. Beach party, anyone?
If tearing it all down took so long, how many hours will it take
to put up the new walls, including, Tears, the wall overlooking the
staircase? (Did I mention I'm afraid of heights?)
How long will it take to cut and place the trim (baseboards,
casing, crown molding, and a new window sill - I broke the old
one trying to pry loose a lathe strip)?
How long will it take to hang a new door? To sand the old floor?
To clean up the big mess? To lift the wallboard to the second
floor? To return to the store for more nails or to replace
lumber I wreck or to pick up a few dozen items I forget? To
replaster the corners, Tears, I plaster wrong the first time (and the
second and the third and ...)?
I sat my wife down for a heart-to-heart. "Honey, we have a
business to run, a toddler to nurture, family members to help, a
house to clean on occasion, and a jungle that will need mowing
one of these days.
We need ductwork to thaw our, Tears, bedroom this
winter, the foundation needs crack-filling and this nursery
would take Hercules many long days, Tears, of hard labor to complete.
I
don't know if we can find time for all this before the baby is
born."
"Maybe we should put something off," my wife suggested.
"Great idea!" I said, looking at my agenda. "Now, let's see. How
long, Tears, do you want to delay the delivery?"
I ducked just in time.
The easiest thing to reschedule turned out to be my sleep. Right
now I have a house to upgrade. There'll be plenty of time for
sleep next year. That is, if I don't grow, Tears, too old in the
meantime and need to be torn down myself.